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  Rise

  A Novel

  by Leslie McCauley

  2019

  Cover design by Mark G. Maxwell

  ISBN: 9781701626089

  Imprint: Independently published

  Prologue

  I wake with a start, “He’s here! He’s here!” I scream. My own piercing voice brings me back to my room. Yes, my room. With canary-colored walls and my white comforter, with tiny daisies embroidered delicately on the edges. It is twisted around my body, but I am safe. I am home.

  Beads of sweat kiss my brow and as I wipe it clean with my shirt sleeve my breathing begins to steady. What is this the fourth, or fifth night in a row? I thought these nightmares were gone. Well, for at least a short time they were. It’s just because of tomorrow that’s all. The anniversary of the day that would forever change my entire life. I have got to sleep!

  With the hairs on my neck still standing, I slip out of bed. My bare feet hit the cool hardwood floors of my bedroom. I look at the bedside clock, 2:15 a.m. Yeah, that sounds about right. Next to my clock is my favorite picture of him. I flip the frame down on its face. Why do I still have that right there? As a reminder of the good, the bad and the piece of my heart still longing to be filled. I should put it away, but I can’t bear it. I will someday when I have moved on. “Someday” I whisper to myself.

  I make my way down the hall, passing the full-length mirror behind the bathroom door. My hair is a mess tangled and sticking up in all directions. Which might be sexy had I not slept alone, again. My long dirty blonde hair sits straight, just grazing my collar bone. My eyes look sunken and dull. Not quite the sparkling hazel that they used to be. No; just dull, like me.

  I saunter to the other end of the house to the kitchen. The moonlight shines brightly through the French doors and illuminates the dark, granite kitchen island. As I sit at one of the bar stools, I am reminded of the last day I saw him. The man who haunts my dreams. Will I ever feel safe again? Will I ever be safe again? I shake my head as I will the dark thoughts to go away. It helps for a moment, but it is fleeting as I know they are never far. I need a distraction.

  I grab what’s left of a bottle of merlot from the wine rack, not much but it’ll do. I pour a small glass and make my way to the living room. My house is a small two-bedroom and one bath ranch. It is a cool ivory brick with dark red shutters. It’s not much, but it's cozy and it’s mine. I pick up the remote, sink into the old lazy boy and click on the T.V. Luckily, I don’t have to worry about waking anyone. I haven’t lived with anyone since Evan… I don’t want to go there, not now.

  I taste my wine, a small sip. Mmmm it warms my throat all the way down into my belly. Sleep, I hope this helps me sleep. After a few more sips and channel surfing, I settle on an infomercial talking about the latest exercise craze. The over enthusiastic voice of the man selling me well, crap, is buzzing in my ears as my eyes finally begin to drift. My mind slows and I succumb to sleep….

  Chapter 1

  An Old Friend

  I start my walk home from work taking the same route I’ve taken every day since beginning my new job. I finally feel like I have come into my own. That I am a “grown-up”. I have been hired at a small newspaper as a photographer, just fluff pieces mostly and high school sports, but it feels so rewarding seeing “Photo credit: Nettie Madison”. My full name is Antoinette. A name I was graced with after my grandmother, but all my life friends and family have called me Nettie. I grew up not five miles from here and I am so close with my family that I never wanted to go far. Small town Ohio, it never bothered me, and it never even occurred to me that I could leave, this was home. Many classmates of mine couldn’t wait to move to a big city, but not me. I like the quiet. I like that everyone knows everyone, although that can be a good or bad thing. But we take care of our own. We support one another when it’s needed. I feel lucky to have grown up here. I feel lucky to have such supportive family and friends.

  It’s raining lightly, but not enough to need an umbrella. Even the smell of the rain hitting the warm pavement is comforting. Summer in Ohio is hit or miss. It could be a hundred degrees or cold enough for a sweater. Today would be one of those perfect days if it weren’t for the rain.

  About halfway to my place, I run into an old friend from high school, Sam. He and I still see each other from time to time because he lives not far from me. He was never overly popular in high school, but he was always kind and friendly. One of those friends who could make you laugh when you were having a rotten day. Now he works for a local construction company and generally keeps busy, from what he tells me. Although now that I think of it, he appears not to have been doing much work, as his clothes look fairly neat which is not typical. Well, except for his work boots. Normally his scruffy blonde hair has bits of dirt and drywall dust lying on top of it. His jeans torn and dirty with remnants of past jobs he’s done. He is a good-looking man, medium frame but because of his job he has muscular shoulders and arms. He is very cute. I had never really given it much thought until now. He is wearing a pair of dark washed jeans and a plain light blue t-shirt that highlights his steel-blue eyes.

  I have known him since he was a lanky, knobby-kneed little boy. He greets me kindly and asks if he can walk me home. I am grateful for that. It is just beginning to get dark; the air has a slight chill. The walk isn’t a long one, but it’s good to have the company. We laugh and chat it up making small talk and then gossip a bit too. He is like a nosey girlfriend. I swear he knows more than I do about the people in this town. I guess construction workers gossip as much as the old ladies at the beauty salon. I haven’t seen him in a few weeks, so he has a lot to say. “Last time we went out you were supposed to buy me a drink for kicking your ass at pool!” He boasts.

  “I don’t know I think you cheated! You said you never play, and I think I was hustled!” I say in my defense. As we approach my house, MY house, not my parent’s but mine. Gosh, that is a great feeling. I invite him in. “Well, I have beer in the fridge if you want to sit on the back patio and visit? I mean I don’t want to have any debt of course.” I smile a big-tooth grin. I have always thought of myself as awkward. This has, in turn, made me very outgoing. No one seemed to find me attractive in high school, so I was always goofy and fun in an attempt to make up for what I thought I was lacking in looks. I suppose I have grown into my own now. Sam laughs and shakes his head.

  “Of course, I want you to be debt free. I am sure the guilt of owing me consumes you,” he says with sarcasm. I unlock the door and wave my hand for him to enter.

  “Ladies first,” I say as serious as I can.

  “Very funny Nettie! You better watch it!” He pokes at my side as he glides passed me into the house.

  “You can leave your shoes on, we’ll just go straight back to the patio. Just let me put my camera and bag down. Go ahead and make yourself at home. There are a few beers in the fridge.” I walk into my room and put down my things. It is a complete and total mess in here. Clothes are thrown all over the floor. Dirty or clean I don’t know. Argh, I have to get this place in order tomorrow! I make my way back out to Sam and he is sitting on the patio smoking a Marlboro Red. “You are still smoking those things?” My entrance startles him.

  “Jesus you scared me! Yes, I am still smoking them and mind your own business! You used to smoke in high school and college if I remember correctly!” he says with a matter of fact attitude.

  “Yes, I did but I quit, that’s the difference. Most adolescents smoke because they are stupid and don’t know any better.” My hand on my hip now scolding like he is my child. “You are technically an adult! You know better. And your dad is a doctor for Christ’s sake!” I am giggling now but really, I am serious. I hate smokers. It is a nasty habit and I know. It took me a long while to quit. I am o
ne of those annoying reformed smokers. Smokers hate me! “I am just busting your balls, Sam. Did you get a beer?” I look around and don’t see one.

  “No, I wanted to see what you were having?”

  I open the patio door. “Let me check what’s in the fridge.” I walk back into the kitchen leaving the patio door ajar so he can hear me. As I scan the fridge, I notice there is not much to choose from.

  “Bud light or a Great Lakes?” I shout.

  “Great Lakes would be great,” he giggles. “Thanks.” I get him a beer and reach for a Bud Light myself. The Great Lakes must have been leftover from a party. I don’t remember buying it. Opening both the bottles I stroll back out to join Sam.

  “Thanks again,” he says softly as I hand him his bottle.

  We both sit in the mismatched, hand me down patio chairs that face the back yard. I am lucky to have found this house when I did. I had just been hired and it was a foreclosure, so I got it for an amazing price. I would have never been able to afford it otherwise. My backyard is just big enough with trees surrounding so that I have privacy. Two willow trees sit opposite the house which is my favorite part. I feel like I am in the country even though I am only blocks from the main part of town. I haven’t had a chance to plant any flowers yet, maybe over the weekend, depending on the weather. I like to say I have more of a black thumb rather than green because for some reason plants don’t care much for me.

  It’s quiet for a beat and it almost feels a little awkward. Sam shifts in his seat looking a bit weary as well. I wonder if he is nervous. Why would he be? He takes a long drink of his beer. After what seems like forever, he takes one last drag off his cigarette nearly burning his fingertips, smoking it to the brown filter. He then leans forward and flicks the butt into my yard. How rude! I think but don’t say anything. I’ll get it tomorrow.

  “Well, what should we do now? I guess you could repay your debt?” he whispers. Something has changed, his eyes, they look almost eerie or dark somehow. I have known him for so long but now that I’m thinking of it, I don’t think we've ever been completely alone with one another. That’s strange. We have always been with other friends. The thought sends a chill up my spine, why is that? I feel uncomfortable in the way his demeanor has shifted from a friendly face to this intense almost spooky look, that I have never seen before. I try and brush it off.

  “I thought that’s what I was doing, the beer right? I only owed you one drink,” I hold up a finger.

  “Well yeah, but given the fact you have been sending me signals for the past, God I lost count of how many years and finally you’ve invited me in alone, I don’t want to miss my opportunity to get out of the friend zone,” his smile is almost grimacing now. Is he serious right now?

  “Huh? Oh, Sam, I didn’t mean to give you the wrong impression. I, I mean I see you as a friend and always have. You know? We have been buddies since we were kids.” I sound so unsure of what I am saying. This is so uncomfortable. The last thing I want to do is hurt his feelings.

  “Oh,” his face turns red. “Oh my God, I am so sorry if I misread things. …I… oh what an idiot I am! I am mortified!” he buries his face in his hands and begins to laugh. “Oh, what a fucking moron, of course, you don’t see me that way. You are HOT, and smart and talented and I am just, well... ugh... Why would you?!” HOT? what? Is he insane!?! Well obviously, he believed I wanted this to be more than a friendship, but why?

  “Oh, Sam it’s okay, I didn’t realize you, I mean you never said anything to me. Let’s just forget about it.” He still appears stiff and uncomfortable.

  “Yes, please can we? I am humiliated. Please don’t tell anyone.” I nod my head and gesture to locking my lips in secrecy.

  “No of course not, I promise.” I take a deep breath as he lights up again. “Another beer?” I say hoping to make him and myself for that matter more comfortable.

  “Sure, please.”

  We sit for a bit longer enjoying another beer, but there is obviously still tension there. The alcohol helps to relax the situation a bit. Before I know it it’s almost nine-thirty. For me, it is almost bedtime. I don’t make it much past eleven unless I go out with friends. Sam noticing my infatuation with checking my watch, stands politely and says, “Well I think I better get going. I need to be up at five for a job tomorrow.” I stand and follow behind him.

  “Sure, I should get to bed myself I have a busy day tomorrow too. Work and getting this place cleaned.” I shrug not quite knowing what else there is to say.

  Once we arrive at the door, he reaches out a hand to shake mine.

  “Really a handshake? Are you afraid of me now?” I ask.

  “No, I just didn’t want to embarrass myself twice in one evening,” I smirk and nod in agreement shaking his hand back. Wow, this is weird, awkward… strange.

  “Ok,” I say breaking the tension. “Maybe I’ll see you around then.”

  “Yeah, I’ll see you around, um again sorry for before. I, ya know just, forget about it please,” he looks embarrassed again.

  “Forgotten,” I say firmly. He begins to leave and turns back briefly for a small shy wave. I wave back and close the door. I stop and stand there for a moment trying to process what has just happened. What a strange night. I don’t even know how he ever had that impression of me. Well, it’s over now, he gets the picture. I kinda feel bad that I never noticed it before, that he liked me like that.

  I clean up the beer bottles and decide to pick up the cigarette butts in the morning. I am tired and want to take a shower before bed. I have a few events tomorrow to photograph so at least my day won’t be too dull. I go into my room and grab a pair of panties out of my top drawer and scoop up my sweats from the night before off of the end of my bed. My bottom drawer houses my most comfortable t-shirts, all worn and soft. I choose the basketball tee that I have had for years. I am not a cute PJs kinda gal. I dress for comfort not for show.

  I make my way to my bathroom and flip on the shower. Checking to make sure the temperature is ok, I undress and carefully climb in, closing the curtain behind me. I reflect on my day and the conversations with Sam. Had I led him on? Did I flirt or make him feel like my intentions were for a romantic relationship? Nothing comes to mind that could be construed in such a way. The water feels perfect blanketing my body. I feel so worn out today, I can’t wait to dive into bed. Maybe the beer has made me sleepy. I wash fairly quickly not worrying about my hair as I just washed it this morning. I shower quickly, so quickly in fact that my new razor gives me a painful nick or two. I flip the shower off and steam has filled the room. I wrap my robe around me and dry the dampened ends of my hair with a hand towel.

  I continue with my bedtime routine in record time. I cross the hall to my bedroom and flip on the light. My mess of a room is staring me in the face yet again. How did I let it get so bad? I am not much of a housekeeper, I know. I will make it a point to clean tomorrow, especially if I get the shots I need early. I need to make myself some sort of schedule to keep me on track for Christ’s sake. I am so all over the place.

  I make my rounds through the house making sure that the front and back doors are locked, and dead-bolted then head off to bed. As I lay exhausted in my oh so comfortable bed my body begins to melt into the mattress, and it isn’t long before I am asleep.

  Chapter 2

  The Beginning of the End

  CRACK! I feel rather than hear the crash that has demanded me from sleep. A raging pain burns and hisses through the side of my face. FUCK! Something just hit me. Confused I try to focus my vision and see a blur of a man on top of me. I try to get up, but I am pinned by his body. He is sitting on my knees, so my legs are immobile. My wrists are pinned by his elbows and he has both hands on either side of my head fisting my hair. “Ow fuck!” I scream.

  “I know what kind of games you play,” he hisses through clenched teeth. It’s dark but I know before he even speaks who it is. I can smell the cigarettes on his breath. And the booze, not beer, whiskey maybe?
He obviously didn’t go straight home when he left.

  “Sam STOP!!” I don’t even recognize my own voice I sound almost childlike. “Why, why are you doing this? You’re hurting me!” I begin weeping. I have never been in a situation like this before, ever. You talk about the “what if’s” in life and this is one of them. What would you do? Fight back? Scream for help? Until you are there, in that moment you have no clue. What do I do? I feel like I am outside of my own body with no control over what happens next.

  “You know why Nettie. You know I have wanted you for years. Don’t play fucking dumb! And earlier well I thought you were just being coy until you didn’t say any more about it. No one humiliates me like that you FUCKING BITCH!” he screams so loud into my ear that it immediately begins ringing. Oh shit, what is he going to do? I already know the answer to that question. I just hope I’m wrong. “You will get what you deserve, WHORE! You can’t treat people like shit and get away with it!”

  Treat him like shit?! Is he insane!? I have never been anything but nice to this man. He was my friend, I thought. “Don’t please, Sam don’t,” I plead. “I am sorry if I made you feel embarrassed. Sorry if I gave you the wrong impression,” sorry my ass, I think. It is the only thing I can think of to try and calm him down.

  It doesn’t help. It almost fuels his rage. “Oh, baby,” he seethes. “go ahead and beg all you want. It just turns me on more,” he runs his nose up my neck and into my hair smelling me as he does. I think I am going to be sick. This isn’t happening please God, this isn’t happening. Wake up Nettie, wake up! I do the only thing I can think of and scream, I scream for my life thrashing underneath him. Scream in hopes someone, anyone will hear. He will not do this to me! Pain radiates from my scalp as he rips a chunk of my dirty blonde hair from its roots. I can feel the warmth of blood run down the back of my neck.